The Most Major Issue In NY GOP Primary: Proper Pizza Conduct

Source: The Lid | April 1, 2016 | Jeff Dunetz

President Reagan eating pizza

….

Pizza is important in New York, it is the ‘Mecca” of the meatball slice, the Smithsonian of sausage, the Parthenon of plain slices (my favorite is extra cheese and onions). New York has the best pizza in the world (sorry Chicago but it is true).

So as the candidates bring their campaigns to New York for the primary on April 19, pizza will become a big part of their effort.  And a key part of those pizza politics will be how they eat their slices. A key part of appealing to New Yorkers is “connecting with the people.” And in the Empire State a candidate cannot connect with the if he/she cannot eat pizza correctly.

John Kasich eating pizza with a fork

…. The question should now be, if you can’t tame a hot slice of pizza, how will you be able to handle ISIS?

Trump eating pizza with a fork

….

Sorry Mr. Trump but that is a load of Brooklyn bull!  Every day all across downstate New York, real Americans of every age fold their pizza and using their hands eat their pizza slices all the way up to the edge of the crust, leaving the remains on the plate.

….

Now we come to the Senator from Texas.

Ted Cruz eating pizza

….

The picture above displays Cruz downing a pepperoni slice seemingly between campaign stops. The good news is there is not a utensil anywhere in the photo and he is holding the pizza properly.  Also, it seems, that Cruz learned the proper way to eat a slice from his wife Heidi.  She grew up near San Jose, California where I understand they eat pizza the right way.  Ted Cruz gets bonus points for the fact that he is eating the pizza like a regular guy. He is wolfing it down while sitting in a car using the box to keep parts of the slice from dripping down onto his suit pants.  And Senator Cruz seems to be proficiently “porking” down the pepperoni.

The issue is that the picture was taken outside of New York where the slices are undersized. To confirm his pizza prowess, we will need to see him consume a New York slice. After all, to show that he can handle the giant federal bureaucracy and the most powerful military force in the world, he has to be seen eating a New York-sized slice of pizza and eat it folded up which is the way God intended man to eat pizza.

….

Viewing 1 post (of 1 total)
Viewing 1 post (of 1 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic.